Cleavies Fish Counter #24
Fish-heads! Tis me. Thought we could have a brief muse about the price of fish.
Funnily enough, the other reader of the fish counter [that’s apart from you and mother], a lovely girl down at Cornwall College, Camborne [where the hill is…] invited me the other week to talk on the very same down there, where the business students were hosting a conference on iconic Cornwall.
I confided Boy George as usual, and all he could do was sing ‘Karma Chameleon…’ which was no use at all, a chameleon of course being a funny person like Bernard Manning or Marty Feldman, or, I’m told, a type of lizard with weird eyes. Funny that coincidence about the weird eyes….
So I asked my boy George, who properly enlightened me as to the price of fish.
Cod is dear, turbot is as dear as hell, and mackerel is quite good at the minute as there seem to be a few around. Conger? It’s a good dance but most people prefer the hokey cokey. Clams? They apparently don’t give a stuff about other bi-valves and just look after themselves – they’re very selfish shellfish. Sea bass? There’s no such thing – just bass.
Which brings me on to pollack, that darling of the culinary left. Environmentally sound, eco friendly, politically correct oh-so-sustainably hand-line caught, tasteless, textureless, ugly bastard pollack….but hey, that’s just me.
I’ll let you into a guilty secret. I’ve eaten jellyfish, snake, bat and cat in the wild animal restaurant in Guanzhou. They were all ok, except the jellyfish which was disgusting, but even that was nicer than bleddy pollack.
Oh, and guess what. Since all the TV chefs have been talking a bag of scallops about how marvellous it is, it’s getting rather scarce out there. Huzzah!! Poor old pollack is about to go the same way as the plesiosaur, which according to Ugg, the stoneage TV chef in one million years BC, was also a tastless, ugly bleddy fish, even if it was a little more sporty on the end of a line.
Anyway, apparently the provisional wing of Greenpeace see the FFs as ideal candidates to help promote their campaign for sustainable fisheries and communities, and that’s our next little jaunt for the remainder of 2012. Funny that, after they threatened to take a fatwa out on me – at least I think that’s what they said – last year. I didn’t think I was that fat…
I have clearance for all the wonderfully highly inappropriate and crass whale/sushi/harpoon/rotisserie/‘thar she blows’/fennel fronds/marinade comedy gold gags of old to continue just as before, following their tremendous success at Glasto last year on the pyramid stage just above the Greenpeace banner….tumbleweed moment or what?
We weren’t quite sure of the cut of their jib at first, but it should be fun, though I’d rather be with the Taliban or Hezbollah to be honest, they don’t seem quite so extreme. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is we’re not getting all politicised or serious or worthy or anything like that – we intend to remain the utterly charming, irascible, cheeky buoys we’ve always been. So I’m sure you’re all very relieved at that….
Anyway, fish-heads, there were no sodding dolphins frolicking around in the sea behind us at the Minack this year, looking cute and bouncing beach balls and generally stealing the show. Greenpeace or no Greenpeace, we ain’t having it…
Dreckly dears xx